?

Log in

No account? Create an account
The Queen of Sheeeba
big_girl
..::.::: ::. .:::: .:.::.

May 2013
      1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31

The Queen of Sheeeba [userpic]
I feel bad and don't know what to do.

YCC has lung cancer and started chemo over the Christmas holidays. She has moved in with her sister-in-law because she needs looking after.

However, she's still the same person. She has chased her nieces out of their own home, which she kind of acknowledges "So maybe I scream and curse a lot and I'm a little mean-- but I have cancer! I thought they loved me!" And her sister-in-law barely talks to her (of course this is YCC's point of view, I haven't spoken with her sisnlaw).

Here's my dilemma: YCC insists phone calls must be made after 9 pm because she uses her cell and the calls are free then. I do not mind listening to her for 2 or 3 hours. It's the very least I can do for her and it wasn't a problem when I was on vacation over the holidays. However, I wake up before 5 am during the week and I have had 5 hours or less sleep for the last 3 days.

No, she doesn't take hints nor does she take directness. "It's late, I have to get up early" I said last night at about 11. "Oh yeah, of course," she said and continued to talk for another hour and a half. You know, if it wasn't for the dial tone, I could probably hang up and she'd never notice.

I don't wanna talk to her tonight. DON'T WANNA! But I feel awful about feeling that way.

Comments

She's using her illness as a means of bullying you. Tell her you're perfectly willing to listen to her, but your phone goes off at 10 p.m. Then make it stick. She won't respect your limits unless you enforce them.

Good luck.

(BTW, I forget. What does YCC stand for? You need to publish a key for all these nicknames, y'know.)

This is the way to do it. If you were noble some nights, you could try 10:30, but she's not going to support you if you lose your job because you can't stay awake, now is she?

I don't know that it's bullying so much as self-centeredness.

Anyway, last night I was much firmer.

"It's late. I have to get to sleep."
"Of course. Tomorrow's an early day for me too. I promised to make breakfast. I'm thinking of pancakes with that delicious apple and spice compote I made when I stayed over that time, remember? That was real good blah, blah, blah. . ."
"YCC, I'm hanging up RIGHT NOW!"
"Yeah. I'm gonna go to sleep too. I'm kinda tired. Even though today was a good day. Made it all the way to the supermarket. Trade Fair has free delivery now blah, blah, blah. . ."
"Good night! Talk to you tomorrow. Bye!" Click.

It's still abusive behavior. Doesn't matter what causes it.

She's using your kindheartedness and socialization against you. You don't want to hang up because she's having a bad time and because you feel like it would be rude, but she should lose both the privilege of your kindheartedness and the right to be treated politely when she does this which prevents you from taking care of yourself. By continuing to let her talk, you're just rewarding her for being a jerk.

Talk over her, tell her you're hanging up, and hang up.

+1

Glad to see you did that very thing, too.