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The Queen of Sheeeba
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May 2013
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The Queen of Sheeeba [userpic]
The most well-fed hooker in North America

That's me.

On Fridays, Cementhead picks me up and drives me to work. I wait for him across the street from the stables on a street that looks to be a popular truck route. I sometimes wait 10 to 15 minutes. The truckers honk me and hoot me. They slow down and stare. Today a truck did a u-ie in front of me. I think I was supposed to get in or something.

Many of you have seen me and know that I am not fishing for compliments when I say I am very fat and not what some would call attractive. Add to this the fact that I am not young. This leads me to ask: What the fuck is wrong with truck drivers? Do they think I'm the opposite of a crack ho? A donut whore, maybe? Like, I need to get money for my next fix of high fat, grossly sugared foods?

Three totally unrelated things: 1)Julia Roberts was asked that, now that she has turned 42, would she consider botox. Her answer: Never. I want my kids to know when I'm mad at them. 2)The tune playing unrelentlessly and totally out-of-left-field in my head--Bain de Soliel for that San Tropez taaaaaan. . ...3)Last night I dreamt that zombies were trying to eat me. It frightened me so much I woke up with a scream in my throat. And then I didn't want to go back to sleep because I was afraid the dream would come back.


If I didn't already love Julia, I would, just for that quote.

I used to think they were saying, "...for that Central Bay tan." I didn't know where the Central Bay was, but I figured it was probably sunny and tropical.

A donut whore, maybe?

Well, you gotta admit, a dozen donuts would be a lot cheaper than a few rocks of crack. Can't blame 'em for trying to be economical.

I found out that San Tropez has a 'z' at the end. Also, I have decided to lay off the truckers. There is nothing wrong with them finding me attractive enough to pay to have sex with me.