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The Queen of Sheeeba
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May 2013
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The Queen of Sheeeba [userpic]
The George Story for Dave.

George calls me up to ask me how to attach a signature to his e-mail. We all have a standard e-mail signature with the standard disclaimer. George never had one because George. . . is George. He couldn't follow the instructions when the memo first went around and so he just didn't do it. But he got called on it and had to add it. Only he still didn't know how.

"You need the template, George. I'll shoot you an e-mail and go over there to show you the steps." And that's what I do. We are at the point where he needs to put the signature into the sig box in Outlook.

"O.K., now go to the e-mail I sent you and copy/paste it into the box." I say.

George looks at the screen, then at the keyboard. He looks at the screen. He looks at the keyboard. He looks at the screen. . .

"George-- use the mouse to highlight my signature."

George looks at the mouse, then looks at the screen. He looks at the mouse. He looks at the screen. . .

I reach over his shoulder to copy and paste my signature into the box. "Now replace my info with yours."

George looks at the screen, then looks at the keyboard. Looks at the screen. . .

"Just click the mouse where my name is!"

George clicks the mouse randomly in the signature box. I reach over his shoulder and highlight my name. "Type in your name."

George types 'george kl. . .'

"You forgot to capitalize your name."
"Oh yeah." George backspaces, hits cap lock and types 'GEORG. . .'
"Why did you cap lock it?"
"Oh yeah," George backspaces to the 'G' hits cap lock to unlock it, types in 'eorge', hits cap lock again, types 'KL' hits backspace, hits cap lock to unlock and finishes typing his last name.

I walk away knowing why all his e-mails are always in ALL CAPS. And before I smack him. His stupidity makes me angry, I don't know why.


He really is short-bus stupid, isn't he?

I really, really think he's developmentally-- I don't wanna say 'delayed' because that means he's gonna catch up some time. The real word is retarded. Except retarded sounds so mean.

He's a sweet guy. He runs all the office pools. He's O.K. doing rote things where the steps don't change but there's not a glimmer of logic or problem solving skills in his head. He bangs his fists on the table when he's frustrated, pouts like a 13 year old if thwarted and cries-- CRIES!!!! if he doesn't win the annual pumpkin carving contest. He's 55 years old, 6'6" and 300 lbs, so there should be no bawling when you lose a pumpkin carving contest.

He's Baby Huey.

He might have some form of autism. For serious, he might.