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The Queen of Sheeeba
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May 2013
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The Queen of Sheeeba [userpic]
Also, if you cover something with a blanket it does not cease to exist.

Skynet sent out all the claim information and all transactions to the claimants on pink pieces of paper. Oddly enough, Skynet called these papers 'Pink Sheets' (why the courts allowed the defendants to document their own transgressions, I do not know). The claimants marked the Pink Sheets in the manner in which they wanted us to process their claims and mailed them to us along with their claim forms. Skynet then took the information on the Pink Sheets and sent letters out to the claimants telling them why these transactions should not be considered 'properly documented'. We are now receiving phone calls about these letters. Today I had this conversation with one severely mentally inferior claimant.

Claimant: I have copies of everything I sent you right in front of me. I sent all the documentation it asked for there is no Pink Sheet here so how can you say I'm ineligible?

Me: In order to be eligible, the base amount must be greater than zero. As it shows on the Pink Sheet, there are no lines with a base greater than zero.

Claimant: I don't have any pink sheet.

Me: Did you copy everything sent to you?

Claimant: I just told you I did.

Me: Then I guess the papers you are holding are white. The paper that has the transactions on them-- across the top are headings: Date; Service; Base Amount; Percentage Paid. . .

Claimant: Yes, I see that.

Me: This is what Skynet is referring to when they say 'Pink Sheet'.

Claimant: I already told you: I don't have any pink sheets!

Me: Do you have the list of services provided to you by Skynet?

Claimant: Yes.

Me: That is a Pink Sheet.

Claimant: How many times do I have to tell you??!!! I don't have any pink sheets!!!

Me: No, you probably don't have any pink sheets of paper in front of you. You have white sheets. The white piece of paper that lists all of your services is called a Pink Sheet.

Claimant: But I DON'T HA. . .

Me: Ma'am! Please listen carefully. The sheets of paper WERE pink. They are, in fact, STILL PINK. We have them now. Believe me, they are pink. You copied the PINK sheets of paper but used white paper so now those Pink Sheets appear white to you. This does not stop Skynet from referring to those very same papers as Pink Sheets. Whenever you read the words 'Pink Sheet' in the letter you have just received, substitute the words 'white sheet' and we will both be happier for it.

I don't think she ever really understood. She realized how exasperated I was with her and decided to go along with me. To keep me from crawling into the phone and slapping her upside her head.