As happens pretty often on cop shows a pair are in a gunfight and when the place gets quiet one will yell, "Hey partner, are you O.K.?" When there's no answer they'll yell again in a slightly panicky manner-- "PARNTER?!!!" Like, if partner is shot through the eye, he's gonna answer back "I'm dead, dude!" or "Hurry, I'm unconscious and bleeding heavily-- save me!"

Dany has tasked me with making the first batch of beer in the new Mr. Beer kit. Dany made the Pale Ale that comes with the kit. It was grand. It tasted like Budweiser would taste if there was some taste in Budweiser. There is an Englishman's Nut Brown in bottles waiting. . .. My choices are:
American Pale
Whispering Wheat
Octoberfest
High Country (Canadian Draft)


Pale Ale's been done and I HATE wheat beer. I'm leaning towards Octoberfest cuz I like the darker beers.

Also, Dany made the Enlishman's Nut Brown without the booster. He says he added extra sugar somewhere along the line, plus put honey in the bottles. I'm sure this will make more sense to me once I make my batch and learn what's involved. Or not. It's hard to tell these days what'll sink into my brain and what'll bounce off of that crazy funzone.

WOLVERINES!!!!!

This morning the radio told me Aquarius was going to have an 8 day because a friend would have terrific luck today and I would get something I've always wanted. I went to work prepared for YCC to have hit the lottery and quit. And for me to start believing in Astrology.

The other day I almost did a header over our not-to-code rail because my sock got caught on one of the two nails the previous owner put on the bathroom threshold to hold it down was sticking waay up. The other one was also rearing it's rusty head.

I called down to Justin to load the staple gun with brads and come on upstairs. I then said that I was gonna pull up the nails and put in the brads. He looked at me as if I was drooling. "How 'bout I just get the hammer and nail those back down?"

Yeah, that would be easier.

Both the guy who plays who plays Teal'c and Jay-Z have ginormous lips. Teal'c's lips are delicious and Jay-Z's are jabooba. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is.

How does butternut squash hot sauce sound?

Dany bought a package of peeled butternut squash and never used it. They were in the veggie bin looking all dried out and white. Also sitting in the fridge a jar of jalepenos that Justin pickled himself. Plus there are wings because today is Superbowl Sunday and there must be wings.

Here's my plan:

Right now the rescue-able squash is boiling with three chopped up peppers and a generous splash of the pickling juice. That's going into the blender once the squash is soft enough.

Then Ima boil some vinegar with some garlic and onions and more peppers and perhaps a tablespoon of sugar. Oh and some of my dried herbs.

Add the puree to the vinegar and some tomato paste.

The one thing I'm worried about is consistency. I'd like it a bit thick. Justin is now boiling a pickling jar to put the sauce in.

That's what I'm gonna do.



ETA: Here it is.




It is slightly sweet and vinegary with a surprise squash taste. Well, not so suprising since I know it has squash in it. It is also not instant fire, even though it has 8 jalapenos in it. It's a slow heat builder.

Dany is making baked honey wings. Justin's got a concoction of hot wings that includes sour cream in the recipe. I'm about to make some Butternut Squash hot wings. We got celery, carrots, blue cheese dressing and beer. I think we're ready for the game.

Too much winter. So, for a little bit of spring, I'm planning my garden. This is a good time to start planning because some things require an earlier start than others. Dany has been pining for rhubarb. I, being raised in a more tropical fruit and veggie type family, have no experience with rhubarb except for once when I ate a rhubarb tart at some function. I thought it was rather good.

Did a little research and found out that rhubarb is perennial. This means I've got to pick a spot. Hmmmm. This is not easy when you've got as little room as I do. I was thinking of lining my walk up to the front door with rhubarb but for two things: I am reluctant to plant veggies in the front of the house for fear of angering my neighbors. I dunno how angry they would get, considering the house that has been in foreclosure for a year has a toilet bowl in it's front yard.

Reason number two is: that's were I planted my very first tulips my very first fall in my very first house. The tulips always, ALWAYS open up just when I need it. I love my tulips. However, this will be their third year. I understand that after three years or so, they get spent. Still-- not replacing my tulips with rhubarb.

Nope, seems the only place for the rhubarb is where my herbs are now. I am not happy about moving them since they LOOOVE that spot and do extraordinarily well there, both the ones in pots and the annuals I usually stick in the ground. P.S. I already ordered the crowns for delivery in March, so unless I can think up another plan, the herbs gotta move.

If only I didn't have those goddamned hedges up against the house there. I hate, HATE HATE fucking hedges! These hedges are not only taking up valuable veggie and flower space, they are growing into my pipes and fucking shit up. Chopping them down is a half-assed solution, I have found. You still have the roots taking up planting space and those fuckers do not know how to die. Give them less than a 16th of an inch and they'll grow a friggin mile. Actually pulling up well established hedges is beyond my capabilities.

One more spot for the rhubarb would be behind the house where Dany killed the lawn. This bare plot of dirt is shaded for much of the day by the house. Rhubarb like partial sun. I think we have a winner!


Dany also wants me to grow him a hop plant. 20 to 25 feet tall, over 20 lbs. This is not an easy feat, no matter how highly Dany is deluding himself into believing my gardening skills are. But, if I could grow ONE plant in a pot and tie strong rope supports to the house. . ..

Last year my seedlings grew long and leggy. I realized it was a lighting problem and made lights to deal with it. This year I moved things to make it better for the seedlings-- and more difficult for me.

( Last year I had easy access and a full table. )
Note the table's relationship to the windows and the sad excuse for lights.



This year I have to do some maneuvering to get full access to the whole table. However, I think the better lighting will make up for the extra shimmying, re-arrainging, lifting and turning I have to do to reach the plants.




Notice also I did not plant every seed I plan to grow right away like I did last year. This is because impatient and stubborn is now way to garden. There are only peppers germinating this February.

( Here there are-- labeled even! )


BUT-- just because impatient and stubborn is baaaaad, that does not mean that I have gotten any more patience or reduced the thickness of my skull. I could not control myself when I got my supplies in January. Still, I should a little restraint and only put 3 seeds down. Two germinated.


I call this picture: HURRY UP, SPRING!!!!






x-posted.

It's 35 degrees here now. Snow is expected but the start time has steadily moved further into the future. The forecasted snowfall has also steadily fallen-- from a foot to 4 to 6 inches. I feel awful for my neighbors to the south.

When I got the antsies in January I started one each of Habanero, California Wonder Sweet and Ancho. Two sprouted. Of course, I did not mark them in any way so I have no idea which two they are.

For the real start I put medical tape on the outside of the peat pots with the name of the pepper because I do finally learn my lesson. It only takes about 10 or 12 blows to the head. Three of each. Sure hope I've cured my lighting problems with my new set-up.

She made the Dean's list in her first semester at Hunter-- 2 As and 2 A-s. She also was called to take a math and customer service test for 2 job openings at the Central Park Zoo and 2 jobs at the NY Aquarium, although they have not told her when the tests are. The job is good news for Ebs, since she is not happy unless she has a job.

Also, Hunter invited her to join the Public Service Scholars Program. She's mulling it over. Since it involves internships (with high level public service companies) she's afraid she won't be able to work. It also gives a "substantial stipen", so there's that.


Justin is still a bum.

Curiosity got the better of me. The technicians going on about my 14 cm uterus has stuck with me for days. So I looked it up. The average uterus is 7.6 cm. My womb is almost twice the normal size. This makes me super maternal and is the reason why I don't go busting crying infants in the jaw when they interrupt my dinner or movie going experience.

Just thought I'd share that.

Remember that ingrown toenail I had, oh, three or four months ago? The podiatrist visit finally came rolling around. After a well deserved lecture on waiting three years in between visits (hey, it would have been shorter if I didn't have to wait 3 or 4 months for an appointment) he set to hacking my feet apart.

See, I have terrible callouses. Doc wondered how in the hell I could walk (you get used to it and learn to protect the parts that hurt) as he KILLED me gorging out the callous at the bottom of one foot. He then told me that there was a fungus among us as he sprayed my feet and cut my toenails. He then told me to come back in 3 months-- no ifs and or buts.

Afterwards I get my prescription, make another appointment, chat with the receptionist and start my way to the bus when. . . Oooh. What's that? That kinda hurts. No, wait. That more than kinda hurts. That hurts a lot. As much as when the ingrown nail started fucking with me. Ow! step Ow! step Ow! step. . ..

When I get home I rip off my boots and socks to see that he cut the ingrown toenail side of the big toe 2/3rds of the way down. Waaaay past the ouchie part. Now I'm worried that it's gonna hurt until it grows back. Stupid feet.

It would have been a lot better if Beyonce hadn't screwed up the lyrics to You Oughta Know.

Had to have a pelvic and trans-vag sonogram. The pelvic went fine, the trans-vag-- not so much. There was much talk about my 14 cm uterus. This is apparently a special uterus. So special that it has to outshine all my other innards. Not only that, my tubes swing to the side and hang out all by themselves-- to good to live in the same neighborhood as the rest of my reproductive system.

All this means that my shy ovaries refused to have their picture taken. Technician number one slid and poked the 3 transpoder for 10 minutes, finally she called the doctor. Over the phone, the doctor recommended the 5 transponder. Out came the 3, in went the five. Still no go. Technician number one very politely asked, "Can you please hold this? I don't want it sliding out while I'm gone."

So there I lay with a transponder hanging out of me while I hold on to the to its tail and I'm thinking-- I wonder if I could get this thing to vibrate. Not soon enough, technician number one comes in with technician number two with the 9 transponder. 9 transponder had as much luck as 3 and 5. Another call to the doctor. This time she comes into the exam room where there is talk of using a biopsy looky-thingy-- after more pushing on the belly while being rammed mercilessly by the 9 transponder.

Finally, doc nixes the biopsy thingy and tells the tech to do some more pelvic views to compensate for the fact that my ovaries refuse to show themselves through my vagina.

My daily bus ride goes through Uniondale, I change buses in West Hempstead and I do a lot of grocery shopping and housewish window shopping in Garden City.






P.S. I don't have any symptoms. Except the annoying rash, that is.

Monday: Come home to find the Wicked Witch of the East under my shed.


Tuesday: I'm making my coffee. Half Italian roast, half French vanilla. We have those fancy machines that pushes pressurized heated water through what they call a K-cup. I like 4oz each of Italian Roast and French Vanilla. The Even Bigger Kahuna (The Big Kahuna is my department's managing partner. TEBK is the managing partner for the LI branch) was standing behind me, waiting his turn. He sees me making my coffee, picks up one of the K-cup coffee thingies and says, "These things are really expensive. The charge us, like, 20 cents a piece for them."

I turn around and very innocently say, "It's perqs like this that makes working for this company great. The coffee. . . the bonuses. . ."

Yeah, we didn't get bonuses this year because the CPAs lost money. Our department made money-- like always but since we are the red-headed stepchildren of our prestigious accounting firm, we don't get bonuses-- or too much coffee either, apparently.


Wednesday: I'm making coffee. I've got Slenda in the bottom of my cup and am reaching for ONE Italian roast K-cup when Asperger's Asscrack comes up behind me. I mean directly behind me breathing down my neck. I grab a K-cup and she says, "Can I skip you?"

Me, not comprehending, ask, "Do you want some water?" The water thingie is right next to the coffee thingie. I figure she wants to get in there and pour herself some water.

"No, I want to make some coffee. Can I get ahead of you?"

I am standing there-by now my sugared cup is already sitting in the machine and my K-cup is poised to enter the puncturing chamber. I look at her in utter disbelief. "No!" I say. She's lucky I didn't add, "What the fuck is WRONG with you?!" to the end of it. She turns on her heel and stalks off in a huff.

I finish making my coffee, walk down the corridor and guess who I see outside HR Lady's office whining like a baby. About me. Because I'm rude.



That coffee machine is gonna get me fired.


Today: There was a girl on the bus talking very loudly on her cell phone. She looked to be 18, maybe 20. This was very annoying, the screaming of personal business into your cell while in public. It was extra special annoying because this was the conversation she was having:

Ugh! My mom disgusts me. She's a big fat lump of nothing. All she does is get up in the morning, go to work, come home, eat dinner and go to sleep. Eat and sleep-- she has no ambition to do nothing. You'd think she'd get off her ass and DO something. Other parents have kids going to college and they get off their lazy asses and get their kids a used car or something. Not my mom. She takes out a loan and takes care of her personal business. She gives not a thought to what her kid needs. Eat, sleep and go to work. What a waste of life. Gah, she disgusts me!

Holy crap, I felt like smacking the phone right out of her selfish little hands.


This Whole Week: I've had a cyst on my twat. It grew to the size of a golf ball. I spent yesterday sitting in 3 inches of hot water and not at work. Where I have a lot of shit to do and no overtime to do it in. Plus I have a nasty rash in my inner elbow. I think it's the measles. I may die.



But besides all that, I've been good! How it shakin' with you?

Dany and Justin were able to right the shed and stuff everything back under it but it is rusted through and through were it is supposed to be bolted to the floor frame. Any strong wind is gonna knock it over now.

We'll have to get a new one. But that's a project for spring. Here's keeping our fingers crossed that we don't get another any northeasters. Just thinking about the cussin' and the fighting when the new one goes up is enough to get my teeth clenching.

You may or may not have heard about the crazy spring storm we got here in NY. Lotsa rain, high winds, thunder and lightning. Did I mention high winds? Gusts topping 50 mph.

So Dany's backing up into the driveway, head turned around and says, "Ah, shit!"

This is our shed:




Another shot showing the glorious sunshine on this fine afternoon.

His very first batch that he started on his birthday is ready to drink. In a feat of planning that shows exactly how dedicated Dany "I'll do it later, I swear" Big_girl, he made the world's best lasagna to accompany the American Pale Ale.

The beer tastes like Budweiser, only a bit sweeter and tastier. And a whole lot better smelling. Can't wait for the English Nut Brown.